The issue: Chores
IF YOU’RE THE HUSBAND: We know you miss your carefree bachelor days when the word “chore” wasn’t in your vocabulary and “cleaning” meant taking a stack of pizza boxes down to the dumpster.
But we’ll let you in on a little secret: Her bachelorette pad wasn’t always as immaculate as she may have led you to believe, nor does she like doing chores (shocker!). So cut her some slack.
Pick the household tasks it won’t kill you to do and tell your wife you’ll be responsible for those. Think of it as a chance to get in a little extra cardio each day.
(Hint: The longer you let a heap of laundry/trash/plates pile up, the scarier it is, so make it a fast, daily maintenance job).
Hey, you may find that all this household stuff isn’t as painful as you think. But even if it is, we have two priceless words for you: Brownie points.
IF YOU’RE THE WIFE: Feel like you’re saddled with the bulk of the chores, even though you have a demanding job or hectic household to run? We hear you. But before you give him the cold shoulder (or “accidentally” dye his boxers magenta), make a list of all the things your spouse takes care of that you forget about.
If he keeps the lawn trimmed and the cars maintained and takes the trash out, give him credit before you start ranting about how he’s never even plugged in the vacuum. Tally up all of your shared to-dos and then figure out a way – together – to get things on a more even keel.
THE GAME-CHANGER: Play a game called “chore wars.” Deal each other cards with pictures of various chores on them.
Once you have your hand, start bartering (i.e., trade the “dishes” card for the “taking out the trash” one) until you’re both satisfied. Then get up and get your jobs done.
The person who puts all of their completed cards down on the kitchen table first gets to choose their prize (wink, wink).
The issue: Sex
IF YOU’RE THE HUSBAND: If you could sum up your first few years of marriage, would you encapsulate the experience with the line: “I was told there’d be more sex”? Careful, buddy, you’re on a two-way street.
We bet you aren’t always in the mood when she is, and vice versa. Sit down and talk about any frustrations that have built up regarding the frequency or adventure level of your sexcapades.
If you pull it off calmly and comfortably (no finger pointing!), you’ll be that much closer to getting your needs met. If you can’t stomach discussing it one-on-one with your wife, wait until you’re dragged to a sex therapist. What’s that? You’ll start talking? Good, we thought so.
IF YOU’RE THE WIFE: When it comes to newlyweds and sex, there are tons of factors that are unique to every couple – how often they do it, who initiates and how much they experiment.
There’s no one golden answer to getting it on, so don’t fall into the trap of comparing your sex life to your married girlfriends’ (the ones who brag about their sexploits may not be telling the truth anyway).
The key is that both of you are satisfied. But if you feel like you’ve both fallen into a routine that isn’t working or that one of you has unrealistic expectations between the sheets, don’t dodge the bullet. Talk about it.
THE GAME-CHANGER: Make a sex date once a week. Pick up a sensual book like The Kama Sutra and set aside one night each week for a little game.
Take turns closing your eyes, pointing to a page and doing the frisky pose featured on that page. Don’t worry about doing it perfectly – just focus on pleasure.
The issue: Cooking
IF YOU’RE THE HUSBAND: Whether you hate to cook or you fancy yourself a younger, more handsome version of Bobby Flay (naturally), it’s more fun when you make it a team effort.
If you prefer to do the grilling, marinate the meat while she chops vegetables. Go grocery shopping together and take turns finding recipes you want to try online or in cookbooks. If you know she has to work late, surprise her by cooking dinner and cleaning up after.
IF YOU’RE THE WIFE: Cooking for two every day – or even just a few times a week – may be a totally new experience for you. If you’re too exhausted to be the sole chef in your household 24/7, let yourself off the hook by dressing up your favorite take-out items or adding a homemade salad.
Also, let your partner know that his help is totally welcome. If he never steps into the kitchen, it’s probably because he’s worried he’ll botch the meal. Let him know that you won’t be the “Top Chef” police if he messes something up, and you’ll wind up having a blast together.
THE GAME-CHANGER: Food – from eating to talking about it – is one of life’s greatest pleasures. If neither of you has skills in the kitchen, take a cooking class so you can learn together and take your own kitchen by culinary storm.
The issue: Money
IF YOU’RE THE HUSBAND: The economic outlook for ’09 is pretty grim. If it looks like you two will have to batten down the monetary hatches, do it together.
She’ll be beyond annoyed if you come home one more time with a new Xbox game since you “already have the console and that’s the most expensive part!” (Yes, we’ve heard ‘em all).
She wants things too, so you two need to work together to purchase luxuries that are mutually beneficial.
IF YOU’RE THE WIFE: It’s easy to belittle your sweetie’s choices when he’s spending all of your discretionary income on fishing gear, but are your spending habits any better?
Yes, we all need clothes, food and shelter, but if those three things add up to a new Marc Jacobs purse, another dinner out with the girls and one more throw pillow for your crowded couch, you need to start playing fair.
THE GAME-CHANGER: Set aside money in your monthly budget purely for entertainment purposes – call it your own personal “slush fund.”
Take that fun money and switch it up from month to month. For example, in May it’s divided equally among spouses (hello Xbox game and new purse!), and June, you pool together for a fun weekend getaway